I have my father's eyes and my mother's lack of shame. They were both very intelligent but I inherited my father's forgetfulness and poor decision making. I like to think forgetfulness is the sign of a busy mind. I inherited my abrasive personality from my mother but my offensive and morbid sense of humor is all my own. Are we all just the combined mistakes from both our parents? Dad had a bad stomach I think, pretty sure that's where I get mine from, he used to drink baking soda. They both did bad things but I think I turned out alright. They also built me strong, thought I don't know who I got my hate from. Mom said she never thought they were really in love. Love, but not IN love. She said he had no passion for anything after the heroin. But goddamnit he wasn't always on that shit. Tell me what he liked, what kind of man he was, because all I remember are the good things and a few of the bad, but he was god in my eyes no matter what. I have the god but I want to know the man. He made mistakes, this is true. But besides working on the cars and taking me to movies every Sunday and hanging out of the forest preserve flying kites tell me what he had interest in, hobbies, music he liked. I get my sense of honesty from the lack of it from either of them. I don't do drugs and I rarely drink, opposite of both of them.

Mama said "it's normal to want to die
most people think like that every once in awhile"
it comes up and I push it back down again
like the acid reflux from my esophageal duct
your naivete settles on my skin
similar to nuclear ash blown in from the wind
I hate you for being so pure
but I hope you know I hate myself more