I want to be homeless. I want to love her. I'm not sure what life is. I want to be alone in the snow. I want to sleep in a field in Montana at night. Under stars, miles away from humans. I want more. I want less. My existence is ephemeral. I think I should write more to leave a legacy for when I'm gone. A legacy that no one will ever read. It might be any day. I don't like what I write. I wish I could think like Mei. New cds disappoint me. Throat's sore. Tumor is growing. That will be the end if nothing else. It's a genetic fail-safe. No one knows yet. It's okay. Frost is coming. Unpleasant but crisp it burns. Unyielding. Relentless. No mercy. I should read more. I don't have time though. I don't know how to do anything. I'm not good at anything either. It's okay. Some people are just here. Some people aren't meant to do anything. Maybe I'm filler. I think I should just drive. Quit my job, friends, and family. I might just do that someday. Start a mountain from dust. Pretty sure it's cancer. Everything's made in China. I can't be what he wants me to be. I can't be anything. I'm smooth slate somewhere in a dark cave where no man has ever been. I could be made into something someday if I was found, but I won't be. I'm just here. I'm just waiting. For it all to end. Hiding. Burrowed. Nestled deep within and within and within myself like a never-ending loop. I don't start. I don't stop.

Simple creatures
live simple lives
we are not those creatures

Mercury blindness, I'm dying in this
light-headed, can't breathe
spotty vision, can't see
with every exhale I can't think

It's coming pretty soon, and every day gets worse and worse as the One Year nears...

You're addicted to pursuing something you'll never get
Shit out more parasites in hopes to feed your delusions
the American Dream is a fucking shackle and you know it
stop fucking breeding, you freaks

Don't be afraid (I smile mercifully). I probably won't destroy you, though I could if I saw fit to. I see you like to fly dangerously close to the flame that licks at your wings, singing off your divine feathers. Oh but I want to. Oh how I want to. You're the one I want, it's you, oh it's you. Those big, brown eyes... I could cut you deep, because you said not to. You said you couldn't fall back into those tendencies, look at your arm, how scarred, how delightfully scarred. It's you I want, so tall, so strong, tanned back rippling muscle and sinew. The temptation is there, I like you, I really do, but the temptation to destroy is violently powerful in me. You said my skin was like alabaster,so stark, and I think that's the most beautiful thing anyone's told me ever. I can't get that out of my head.