Unfinished thoughts

I wonder where my ability to create went. Did the pharmacopoeia destroy it or was it only there because of that? Could I create before, or was the ability lost after weaning myself off the meds? I wish I could focus like I used to...I consider getting back on them...just so I can write like I used to, make art, just so I can have ambition to create. I feel like some dying creature, mewling and weak.